A ToolKit for Healing from
Verbally Abusive Relationship

Most books on Verbal Abuse focus mostly on the dynamics of verbally abusive relationships. This book puts most of the emphasis on Healing from verbally abusive relationships.

What is Verbal Abuse?

Verbal Abuse is felt at an energetic level.

Contributing Factors to Verbally Abusive Relationships Hierarchy, in its fostering of one-upmanship, can foster a false self-esteem, dependent on being better than others. Hierarchical systems foster narcissism. Narcissists, while they may present a charming face to the world, are abusive in relationships, especially intimate relationships.

Identifying Types of Verbal Abuse

Verbal Self-Defense You will be more successful if your Intention is to set a boundary out of love for yourself and respect for the capability of the abuser to learn to behave more respectfully.

On the Importance of Breathing

On Fear and Trauma You may be wondering what PTSD has to do with verbal abuse. It is hardly life threatening. However, chronic verbal abuse is usually life altering.

"Ungrieved" Losses The great news is that you do not have to process each and every bad thing that was said to you! The successful processing of one memory will heal numerous other related memories that contain the same spin, reducing their emotional charge.

Learning to Talk Nicely to Yourself One of the most damaging consequences of being a victim is that the victim begins to victimize his/herself.  Chronic verbal abuse is excellent training in how to be self-critical, to engage in negative self-talk.

Changing the Focus Another way children respond to negative attention is to strive to please the parent by becoming too good, by becoming a perfectionist.  Any time you do something solely for the purpose of another person's approval, you lose a part of your identity.

Changing Childhood Decisions (and Adults Ones too) In order to heal, you must come to the psychological realization that you have learned lies about your abilities.

Identifying Unconscious Decisions (continued)

BUT, BUT, BUT...I'm Afraid

Putting It All Together When you spend time reprogramming your inner PC by identifying and transforming negative self-talk and beliefs, you will not be such an easy target.

Reclaiming Self

BUT...A goal of healing is to live a more authentic life. In that pursuit, what would you do if you gave up the opprobrious superfluous Musts, Shoulds, and Gottas?

Identifying Skill Development Opportunities

Locating Your Tribe Personal, Professional, and Self-Help Groups. Circle of Healing from Abuse GROUP

Learning to Trust Others The spiritual consequence of distrusting others as a reaction to verbal abuse is that it narrows the channels through which you can experience Life

An Exodus of the Monster Gods My observation has been that many people have trouble forgiving their parents because they fail to establish healthy boundaries with their parents in the present.

Suggested Reading